ESPN draft expert Mel Kiper tells the world he’s unvaccinated


Mel Kiper Jr. will not be in the studio with the crew on draft day.

Mel Kiper Jr. will not be in the studio with the crew on draft day.
picture: Getty Images

If I had to put a face to the unvaccinated, it would probably look like Mel Kiper Jr.’s. I can’t really tell you why, because it’s not like he’s even been the most open about being a thingy on ESPN. But there’s something about his pap…the fact that it seems like he’s never smiled, and if he has, he’s had pains up to his waist for three days. And yet there’s a smugness in it, I’ve never figured out what’s so smug about it, but it comes with this face that can only move 17 percent. Joyless yet smug, I think that describes a lot of the assholes we’ve had to endure and work around. And record. Which is perhaps the most frustrating, and Kiper is another. He announced via Twitter yesterday that he’s not vaccinated, so he and his alien hair will be providing their share of the draft coverage from his home studio.

The statement itself is the same self-serving gibberish you’ve seen hundreds of times at this point. No, Mel, you don’t understand the value of vaccines or respect anyone’s medical decisions if you don’t actually get the thing. You’re forcing yours on us, which has been the constant theme of what these assholes are trying to force on us all while claiming it’s their freedoms.

But perhaps even worse, ESPN will still let this creature that crawled out of the drain three decades ago in its coverage with charts only he knew about. Kiper didn’t play along, didn’t do what was best for everyone, and his punishment is not having to leave his house. I’m sure he’ll feel the sting of it.

That’s what we mentioned about Kyrie Irving yesterday. Eventually he was accepted because he was trying to live by a creed he’d read on a bathroom wall somewhere. We can go through the list. Surely ESPN isn’t the only organization or body that didn’t have the guts to tell all their unvaccinated suckers to get one, it’s just another example. We don’t stand against them, but they will certainly stand against us and take yet another inch or foot from anything that is decent and logical.

Luckily I don’t look at the design anyway, so I don’t have to worry about how Kiper arranges his decor to match his demonic accountant’s face.

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