Dennis Quaid as Stan Kroenke will haunt your dreams


Um... whoops.

Um… whoops.
screenshot: Aries

The annoying aftermath of the Los Angeles Rams’ Super Bowl win is that we have to pretend everything they do is cute or cool. Matthew Stafford’s appearance in an AT&T commercial was the first ad I can remember seeing him in, and now I have to laugh at how he winked at the camera until the NBA playoffs ended in June?

The guy could barely wear the NFL version of a super team to the Super Bowl, and now he’s supposed to be wearing a cell phone campaign? He didn’t even win the MVP of the game. How is he supposed to be instantly recognizable when he’s never told the masses he’s going to Disneyland?

With the invention of smartphones, I’m less and less irritated by commercials, but old pet peeve are extremely hard to shake off. However, one image I’ll never get out of my head is Dennis Quaid’s Stan Kroenke mustache from this “trailer” for the Rams draft.

There are a few entertaining aspects from the video that I can only assume were shot, directed and edited by the team’s front office as they didn’t make any selections in the first two rounds or the top 100.

The only funny part was the Celine Dion joke as Tyrese did his best planning banter before the heist. It was straight out of a Fast and Furious movie, and you’ll have a hard time finding a flaw in this franchise or its best source of comedic relief.

The second redeemable quality is…er…production value? The makeup artist who turned Quaid into Kroenke would win an Oscar and then be banned from Hollywood. I get Scott Eastwood’s performance; one can only vent the fumes of her father’s acting career long enough before being forced to star in fake movie trailers.

But Quaid? He’s Mr. Sports Movie. Do it Beginner“Cap” off Any Sundayand Dick Vermeil in the upcoming movie American misfit (the story of Kurt Warner) know that he is a real villain?

The Rams won the Super Bowl, and people still care about the team just so much Stafford attended to this photographer who fell off the stage right in front of him and broke her back during the title parade. Nothing says desperation like a multi-million dollar trailer for a team that doesn’t draw ahead of pick #104.

And, sorry LA fans, the Rams aren’t stealing the draft. The only thing they take is another victory lap. This type of charade is reserved for bottom-feeders looking to discourage their fans from abandoning ship, but I think unless you have followers it makes sense to resort to Clippers-like tactics.

The franchise is on track to be bigger than the Chargers’ more successful siblings, so act like it and not like a second-rate team trying to milk a few extra Atta-Boys from a Super Bowl run.

Let success breathe at least a few decades before you put on Sean McVay’s makeup and try to make Kelly Stafford likable.

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