Kyrie Irving describes his vaccination stance as “A martyr’s life, brother.”

'What's up, dude?

‘What’s up, dude?
picture: Getty Images

Well it happened. Finally he made it. Kyrie Irving has been acting like a martyr throughout the NBA season, and now it’s official. He considers himself a martyr.

Speaking of ETCS Podcast with Kevin Durant and Eddie GonzalezIrving compared his situation to that of a Thomas Becket, Martin Luther King Jr., or Emily Davison.

“I had the opportunity to still play away games, but there was no plan, no vision of how it would work for our team. And I think that has really influenced not only me, but a lot of people. I just had to sit in that hot seat for a bit and deal with it. A martyr’s life, brother.”

Forgive the fact that, as my editor pointed out in Slack, martyrs are dead by definition, ask the family members of deceased anti-vaccinators how well their martyrdom has treated them.

Here at Peppystores, we’ve got you covered Irving’s idiocy at lengthso instead of the usual few paragraphs of outrage and jokes followed by a (hopefully) clever unsubscribe, I’ll try something different.

The strangest thing he said in that quote isn’t his acknowledgment that more people than just himself were affected by his unvaccinated status. (Do you think he came to the conclusion on his own that being unvaccinated can have a broad impact, or did someone show him a list of everyone who is under contract?haunted for walking around with visible COVID, how can you see the smell emanating from Pigpen?) The silliest aspect of Irving’s rambling nonsense is dropping “bro” after calling himself a martyr.

With “Brothers” in a sentence is reserved for snowboarders on a gondola during a powder day, or connection guys describing a hottie at an EDM concert, or the tracksuit mafia in hawk eye.

I mean it would make sense if it was a quirk in Irving’s language. Every time I say “bro” in a casual conversation, It is meant to poke fun at brothers who say, “Brothers” the whole time. Honestly, “Kyrie Irving: Brother or Martyr?” sounds like a solid investigative journalism piece.

However, I won’t do that either. I’m just going to rattle off a few sentences that should never end with “Bro.”

– Doctor to patient: “You have non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, brother.”

– Parent to child: “You were adopted, brother.”

– Maury on guest: “You ARE the father, brother.”

– Spider-Man to Tony Stark: “I’m not feeling too well bro.”

– Waiter to the diner: “How would you like your New York strip cooked, brother?”

– Employee to boss: “By when do you need this, brother?”

– Boyfriend to girlfriend: “I slapped you, brother.”

– Girlfriend to boyfriend: “I’m pregnant bro.”

– Supreme Court of America: “We lift Roe v. Wake up brother.”

– John the Apostle to his flock: “If God is all you have, you have all you need, brother.”

– Aesop: “A liar is not believed, even if he tells the truth, brother.”

– Kyrie Irving to the ETCS Podcast hosts: “A Martyr’s Life Brother.”

That’s it. That’s all I have. I wasted all my creativity on the bro quotes so no funny last line. You can get back to your day.

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